


Always the First Star That I Find

by DissonantDreams



Series: I Know Now What I Knew Then But I Didn't Know Then What I Know Now [3]
Category: The Last of Us (Video Games)
Genre: Fluff, Multi, no beta we die like men, soft gays being soft, the stars are out and boy am i gay about it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-06
Updated: 2020-11-06
Packaged: 2021-03-09 06:02:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27410023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DissonantDreams/pseuds/DissonantDreams
Summary: Ellie finally gets a chance to prove herself on an overnight group patrol with Jesse and Dina in tow. Events unfold that cause her to question what Joel swore was the truth.When things get difficult Ellie and Dina orbit closer under the stars.Pre- canon, one-shot loosely tied into Chapter 9 ofNail in My Head
Relationships: Dina/Ellie (The Last of Us), Dina/Jesse (The Last of Us), Ellie & Joel (The Last of Us)
Series: I Know Now What I Knew Then But I Didn't Know Then What I Know Now [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1935721
Comments: 8
Kudos: 50





	Always the First Star That I Find

**Author's Note:**

> Wrote some gays pining like a forest for each other because my heart needed it, maybe yours does too.  
> No beta, only an apologetic ramble for any grammar mistakes.
> 
> Thank you for reading, and your kind words, makes my world a little kinder.

Ellie leaned on her wooden desk watching as Joel paced between her couch and her bed. It was early in the morning. Early enough the orange glow of the sun just below the horizon blanketed the world in an orange haze. He had woken her up to get ready and she knew he meant well, but fuck was she tired. She rubbed a knuckle into her eye trying to knock loose the remaining vestiges of sleep from her face.

“Okay, Kiddo. You got your knife?” Joel asked, going through some mental checklist.

“I always have my knife.” Ellie pulled the knife in question out of her back pocket and deployed it. Joel eyed it and she closed it against her thigh and returned it to her back pocket.

“Pack all set? You remembered food, water, extra ammo?” Ellie stood straight and hefted her faded black pack onto her shoulders. It was a gift from Tommy and Maria after the straps of her old one finally failed her. She’d been more than happy to replace the worn pack she used traveling cross country, while it held a lot of memories it also was missing a strap and the back pouch was held together with more wishful thinking than tape by the time she retired it.

“Yes! Jesus, Joel. You act like we didn’t fucking spend months surviving together.” Ellie shoved at his arm. “I saved your ass how many times? I’m going to be fine. So chill.”

“I know you’ll be fine.” Joel, ruffled her hair. “I just gotta worry about you first.” Ellie ducked out from underneath his hand. He was treating her like some pre-outbreak kid going to school for the first time. Not the person who kept him alive when he got himself impaled on a fucking rod of rebar.

“I’ll worry about me out there. Besides. I got Dina and Jesse out there with me.” Ellie nodded her head back and forth with an addendum, “And Earl and Greg.”

Joel scratched at his beard, nodding at the names of two older patrolmen. They weren’t bad, could hold their own in a fight, but Ellie knew she was better than them, than most of the people on group patrols. If Joel would just fucking recognize that she could finally join up on paired patrols and get some real shit done for Jackson without having to follow someone else’s dumb lead.

“Jesse huh?” Joel smirked, sounding smug. “Well, I’m sure he’ll be happy that you’re going along.” Joel passed over a few extra bullets, and she gagged as she tucked them into her front pocket.

“Please don’t ever imply that again.” Ellie blanched at the thought of dating Jesse. If only Joel knew why Cat was really visiting her so much recently. They weren’t anything, they never could be – not when Ellie could possibly infect her – but she really liked spending time with the girl, planning out her tattoo, drawing together, she even enjoyed the occasional cuddling while they watched a movie. She definitely was not into Jesse. “Pretty sure he’s with Dina for a reason.”

“Whatever you say, kiddo.” Joel rocked back on his heels a little, before heading over to open her apartment door. “Now, come on. Let’s get you to the stables.”

“Joel. I mean this with all my heart.” Ellie stared hard at him. “I know you mean well, but you gotta trust me.”

“I do trust you, Ellie.” Ellie crossed her arms, resting her weight over her right hip.

“Do you?” Her voice came out sharp and she found she didn’t care. “Cause every time I get an assignment, it’s like you forget the shit we went through.”

Joel’s eyes steeled and Ellie held his gaze, he sighed, his posture drooped slightly. “I know. That you can handle yourself. I just…” He trailed off and put his hands on his hips. “You’re right, you go on an’ get to patrol.”

“Thank you, Joel.” Ellie scuffed his boot with her sneaker. “When I get back maybe we can watch a movie or something.”

“I’d like that, kiddo. But I get to choose, as reparations for all this grief you’re givin’ me.”

“Deal. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Ellie headed off through the side gate towards the greenhouses, waving behind her.

“Make good choices!” Joel called out after her.

“I never do!” She yelled back, breaking out into a run. The spring air cool against her skin woke her up further.

All bullshit with Joel aside, she was genuinely excited for her first overnight group patrol. It had been a little while since she got to see Dina after she’d been put on more paired patrols and Ellie had picked up watch shifts in between the meager amount of group patrols she’d been getting. She ended up spending more time with Cat these days and she would never admit it aloud, she missed Dina. She wasn’t good with people, she had thought she was good with Dina. Maybe not.

Trotting up to the stables she saw Jesse and Dina just outside the door, both looking upset about something. Jesse gestured out to where she stood at the entrance immediately freezing when he saw Ellie. Dina opened her mouth and closed it. Some dark emotion passed over her face before she forced it down replacing it with the smile she reserved for Ellie, all mischievous and beaming in her approach. It made Ellie’s stomach bottom out every time.

“Ellie, hey.” Tossing Jesse a strange glare, she strode over to Ellie. Her hair was tied up in a bun, something she had started trying out recently. According to Dina, it made her seem more mature. Ellie didn’t think it changed much, she was beautiful no matter how she did her hair. She figured it was Dina’s attempt to tease her for hacking most of her ponytail off with her knife during a drunk game of truth or dare.

As Dina approached, Ellie noticed her maroon denim jacket buttoned halfway up, drawing her attention downward. Ellie started counting the freckles on her collarbone before guilt snapped her attention elsewhere. Her friend doesn’t deserve someone else being a perv around her. Not like things could go anywhere between them, even if she wanted it to.

If Dina noticed where Ellie’s attention lied, she ignored it in favor of placing her arms over Ellie’s shoulder and squeezing her close. Ellie held her hands out to Dina’s side for a moment, still not used to the fond familiarity Dina greeted everyone with, before returning the hug. Dina pulled away keeping a hand on Ellie’s arm, “About time you got here, I was worried you overslept again.”

“That was one time.” Ellie mumbled, wiping her nose with the flesh of her hand. “Why does everyone gotta keep bringing that up?” Walking up to Jesse he held out his hand, and Ellie slapped hers against it.

“Mornin’, ready to go?” Jesse crowed, chipper as always as he leaned against the doorway. “Greg and Earl have gotten the horses all set up out front. We’ll be taking the trail up to Colten Bay and sweeping the…”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. We read the brief, didn’t we, Ellie?” Dina dismissed him, nudging Ellie’s shoulder with her own shooting her a playful look.

“Yeah Jesse, we have a little thing called reading comprehension.”

“Really, Ellie. I expected this kind of behavior from Dina, but you?” He shook his head, voice laced with disappointment. “I expected better.”

“Well,” Ellie walked passed him, “That was your mistake, not mine.” Jesse gaped at her, behind her Dina’s peals of laughter made the tips of her ears burn and Ellie tucked her lips in her mouth to stop herself from grinning like an idiot.

“Guess I won’t make that mistake again.” Jesse smiled, easy as always. “Now come on, lets get this over with.”

Jesse grabbed two rifles off the rack, handing one to Dina who immediately slung it over her shoulder, the other he put over his own. Ellie stood there waiting.

“Forget someone?”

“Nope.” Jesse stepped away from the rack with a light bow and a shit-eating grin. “Your mistake, not mine.”

“Really?” Ellie deadpanned. “Dick.” Jesse laughed as she took her rifle off the rack and pointed it down and away from the group, pulling the bolt back to inspect the chamber. Content, she shouldered her weapon and followed them out.

Kathy handed her Shimmer’s reins and Ellie thanked her quickly, immediately focusing her attention onto her horse.

“Hey Shimmer. You ready to ride?” The horse nickered and shoved her muzzle into Ellie’s shoulder, gently chewing at her jacket, demanding attention. “Yeah, I thought so.” Leading them to the gates, the three of them met up with the two others, a father and son team of Earl and Greg. Several paired teams waited on horseback as the gate crew began calling orders out to each other.

“Ah, Greg. Look who showed up.” Earl teased Ellie, pushing the brim of his black cowboy hat up with his thumb revealing his graying light brown hair. He chewed on a toothpick, swishing it from side to side before clenching it between his front teeth and spitting it behind him. Dina gave Ellie a grossed out gesture, who could only shrug in return. Dude liked to live up the whole cowboy thing.

Greg, the younger of the two rolled his eyes at his father, “Earl that’s only funny when she’s late.” He ran a hand through his blond hair, pushing it off his face. “Quit the comedy routine and get going.” He gave Ellie an apologetic shrug and she returned it.

Earl was old and his idea of what was funny had been skewed. He only had a handful of runs left, before Jesse took over as patrol lead. If she wanted to be on paired patrols she would still have to impress him today. This was the going to be longest and most intensive patrol yet. Well outside the regular routes she had been running, this was a run to help expand Jackson’s safe territories.

Mounting their respective steeds, Earl addressed the group in his nasally southern twang over the rumbling groan of the gates opening behind them.

“All right, ladies, we got ourselves an overnight. That means relief won’t come unless we don’t come back tomorrow. So stick together and be smart. No stupid heroics. You see or hear somethin’ you say somethin’. We’re going in for a sweep of the RV campground found a couple weeks ago. The outskirts have been cleared of infected. We’re going in and clearing any we can handle and we’re lookin’ for medical, ammo, and food supplies so save space in your pack and no taking anything extra.” Earl glanced at Ellie who flipped him off when he turned his horse around to face the gate. Dina caught her and pressed her hand to her mouth to keep herself from giggle.

The gates opened as Earl drove his horse into a gallop, Greg on his heels. Ellie spurred on Shimmer and positioned herself to the left of Greg. Dina took the spot next to her and Jesse filled in the rear. They rode at a fast clip for a while until they broke from dense Wyoming forest and drove right towards the open wilderness.

Ellie kept scanning there surroundings, trying to ignore the silly faces Dina would shoot her way. Sticking her tongue out, crossing her eyes, pulling her bottom eyelids down, making herself look emaciated. Behind them Jesse kept clearing his throat and Dina would shoot him an evil glare. Twice Ellie peered over her shoulder to see her friend clench his jaw and glare at the tree line. Whatever was going on between them was born from the two of them being the most stubborn idiots she’d ever met and that was saying something.

They hit a good pace a few hours into the ride and stopped just outside the campground to take a lunch. Finding a rocky outcrop, they huddled their backs against it as they ate and caught their breath.

“No point ‘n goin’ in on an empty stomach.” Earl said to them, around his sandwich. A small chunk of roast beef dangled off his mustache making Ellie’s lip curl. “Just keep an eye out.” He turned to his son and they began checking over the map between them. They were technically in a safe zone, but the concept of safe outside of Jackson was amorphous at best. What was safe one day could kill you the next.

“So, word on the street is there’s gonna be a party when we get back.” Jesse mentioned as he dug into a container of chili. Taking a strip of jerky out from a tin and dipping it into the meaty stew.

“Just for us?” Dina asked as she watched on in horror as Jesse stuffed himself. “How nice.”

“What do you call a golfer’s favorite drink?” Ellie interjected. “A par-tea.”

In the most unnerving display of synchronization Ellie’s ever seen, Jesse and Dina turned their heads to scrutinize her.

“Ok so we agree Dina, Ellie’s not allowed to talk anymore, yeah?”

“Oh for sure. What does tea have to do with golf?” Dina’s face scrunched up in thought. Ellie shrugged, stealing a bite of Jesse’s jerky from his unguarded tin.

“Hey!” He slapped at her hand. “What raised you? A goddamn bloater?” Jesse and Dina talked more about the party. When Ellie had enough she joked until the three of them bickered while they finished eating, it felt nice to have people she could trust even a little. They still had a job to do and they weren’t there for fun.

“Alright you three are fuckin’ about, which means it’s time to get this shit over.” Earl cleared his throat. Pushing his map to the middle of their circle. “Lookin’ at these maps we got an’ open buildin’ been cleared already.” He pointed to the small office lodge, dragging his finger down the paper and circling a small section labeled ‘RV Village’. “We’ll set up there, then we go in on foot and clear out the RVs.”

Getting down to the old office didn’t take long, they tethered the horses out back and double checked the office and attached gift shop. In the gift shop Ellie managed to uncover an old bow behind a shelf. The whole thing felt sturdy and the grip was made from nice mahogany, she gave the bow string a few test draws satisfied at the pull. Dina found some arrows with hunting tips on them and Ellie had to scoff at how Jackson focused too much on rifles when scavenging, they had left so much good shit behind.

Earl gave her a side eye when she returned to the group with the bow in her hands arrow nocked and ready. “You sure about that one?”

“Silent and ranged is good in my book. Unless that’s a problem?” Ellie challenged. His jaw dropped slightly before he grinned at her.

“Fair enough,” Resting his rifle across his front, Earl rubbed his beard and turned to his son. “Take it away, Greg.”

Greg shifted in front of them, handing out markers to each of them. In a soft, quavering voice he instructed them. “Okay so we go in from the front at angles, everyone stay within ear shot of each other. Knock on the doors. If you hear any noise inside them, draw an “X” over it and we’ll team up to clear em out at the end. If the door is unlocked and there is no noise inside, give it a quick sweep for supplies.”

The team nodded and approached the vast lot of carcasses in front of them. Each taking a row Dina and Jesse taking the left, Ellie taking the center, Earl and Greg taking the right. A scan ahead made it clear to Ellie that the rows converged in some sort of epicenter. It was too hard to figure out what was in the middle, rotting RVs and patches of overgrowth obfuscated her view. A surprising amount of trailers still stood, relatively whole, while a few had collapsed in on themselves.

Ellie knocked her fist on the first RV she approached. Dirty white, with mold growing along the top. Slowing her breath to listen for signs of movement, she rattled the door. After a few tense moments nothing moved and she tried the handle which ripped off in her hand revealing the inner mechanics of the latch.

“Fuck’s sake.” she mumbled, sticking her finger into the hole and depressing the spring lock to open the door. She reached into her pocket and readied her knife. When nothing jumped out she put it back in her pocket and started rifling through various drawers and closets. There were a few bottles of painkillers and some canned food, but her big find, was an old black machete with an orange grip poking out of bed. There was little rust on it and it seemed like it had been barely used at all.

Testing it, Ellie crouched and swung at an overhead shelf, accidentally wedging it into the wood and sending a bunch of tin plate ware scattering across the floor. “Shit.” Stilling she sighed in relief when she hadn’t alerted anything. She attached it to the side of her pack and finished her sweep.

Jumping out of the RV she crept along the rest of her section, methodically weaving between rows of comprised of hollowed out skeletons, knocking and clearing out supplies from the intact trailers.

Only one RV had something inside it, a quiet croak sounded as she placed an “X” on the door. Secretly she wished Joel was on this patrol. He’d let her take care of whatever was in there, instead of making her wait for back up.

With a sigh she pressed on, getting closer to the middle of the abandoned lots. She could hear Jesse nearby knocking on an RV to the left of her. Glancing ahead she could make out some sort of amphitheater behind a large bathhouse. She thumped a hand on the door and jiggled the handle. Nothing.

“Wonder how Maria would respond to an open mic night out here.” Ellie muttered, ducking into the RV. Covering her mouth with her hand, she gagged on the fetid odor that assaulted her sense of smell.

“Fuck.” Ellie surveyed the room finding the source of the smell. On the bed were two rotting corpses entwined on the bed. Ellie suppressed a shudder as she found a note underneath an amber pill bottle. Empty she tossed it aside, the plastic clattering on the floor.

Picking up the note she read in hastily scrawled blue ink, a few spots bled where tears had fallen and dried years before:

_Those fucking things are out there,_

_we don’t know how long we have before they break in._

_We have no way to defend ourselves._

_We were not cowards._

_We went out on our own terms._

_With Love not fear._

_-together forever,_

_Liz and Amy_

“Liz and Amy?” Ellie spoke the names, staring at the corpses in the bed. In death she assumed they were a man and woman, in life, they had what Ellie wanted. “Sorry things got fucked.”

A high piercing scream broke through her haze and Ellie dropped the note, tearing out of the RV. The clamor of more screaming picked up around her. Both human and infected.

Ellie nocked an arrow rushing to the center, footsteps stuttering to a halt as she surveyed the scene in front of her. Several infected poured out from the bathhouse. Jesse and Greg trying to stem the main rush of infected with loud rifle retorts echoing into the forest. Fucking idiots were going to bring every thing else down on top of them.

To her left Dina was pinned by a runner, jaws snapping at her face to her right Earl struggled against a clicker.

Dina screamed again.

“Dina hold on!” Ellie shouted, her adrenaline kicked in. As she ran towards Dina, she aimed an arrow towards the fungal plate of the clicker holding Earl. Ellie exhaled until her shot lined up. Loosing it into the air it plunged deep into the soft pulp where eyes would have once been. The clicker screamed and let go of Earl, dropping down dead. He jogged away from it safe, she could focus on Dina.

Pulling her new machete from the side of her pack, Ellie tackled the runner off of Dina to the ground. Bashing it in the face with her bow, before cleaving it’s skull in half over and over with the machete until it stilled. David’s face flashed in front of her and she threw herself off of it blinking away the images.

“You okay?” Ellie gasped out, sparing her a quick glance. Dina checked her wrists and nodded that she was fine. Aiming her gun over Ellie’s shoulder, and firing a shot, a body dropped, the screaming sounds of the infected grew numbered.

Facing the bathhouse, Ellie swiftly nocked another arrow, letting it fly over Jesse’s shoulder, taking out the runner headed towards him. Its body sliding across the dirt from the momentum coming to rest in front of his feet. Greg blasted off the head of a runner before ducking around another.

Rushing footfalls and the sound of thrashing sounded behind her and she twisted around just in time to catch a stalker by its shoulders. The creature rocked her back up on her heels, it’s teeth clacking dangerously close to her face as it tried to tear into the flesh of her neck. She fended it off and watched as it’s remaining clouded eye swiveled in it’s socket towards her, propped open by months of fungal growth. The bastard lurched towards her again. Ellie shuffled to keep her stance, eyeing the battle as best she could. No one was free to help her.

Ellie’s arms strained against the failing body and she dropped her stance lower so she wouldn’t topple from the force of it’s attack. A hand lashed out and the lower limb of her bow was painfully pressed into the meat of her thigh. She screamed out in anger when she pushed against it and heard the snap of wood and felt the bow fall away. Pissed she bent her arms just enough to get the stalker a little closer, bloodied teeth gnashing right by her ear and pushed as hard as she could, causing the stalker to stumble a few feet away with a howling croak.

“Fucker!!” In one smooth motion she flicked her knife open and slammed it into the stalker’s temple, with little resistance, before bodily spinning them both around to stab it in the chest. Blood exiting its body in bright gushes with a sickening pop of her blade puncturing what remained of it’s lungs. With a final gurgling exhale of breath the woods around them quieted. The five of them listening over the sounds of their own heaving breathing for any more signs of infected. There were at least a dozen bodies on the ground, bastards had got the jump on them somehow.

Adrenaline still pumping, Ellie accessed the body of the small runner closest to her while her breathing leveled out. It used to be a girl. Shoulder length stringy blond hair clung to its forehead by a sticky patch of blood over its eye. Mouth agape as if asking for mercy that would never come. In the middle of a dark patch of blood on its chest, she caught sight of a square patch of leather. Embossed with the same “J” inside a horseshoe that had been branded into Shimmer’s flank. Ellie kicked the body of the stalker over to see the same patch. Of course they were from fucking Jackson. The metallic taste of water brash coated her throat and tongue and she spat her saliva out onto the ground.

Ellie pulled her jacket sleeve over her bite. It was stupid, so fucking stupid that Joel walked them away without waking her up. From answers. From the truth. She didn’t get to ask any of the hundreds of questions she had about her immunity. There had to have been something there.

Now there’s no hope for anyone. Only a bullet in the head if you’re lucky. Immunity didn’t mean shit if no one could be saved. Thoughts swirled around in her head and Ellie started to close herself off in a desperate attempt to make some sort of connection. Joel didn’t tell her everything. There was a piece missing.

The last hope for humanity festered inside her, and there was nothing she could do. Joel said there were dozens like her, yet no one heard a whisper of a vaccine. The Fireflies all but dead to the world. The graffiti in the museum…

_There is no light_

After everything she’d done to get to the Fireflies. There ha d to be.

“Ellie,” Dina’s hand, warm on her arm, directed her away from the body, away from the embossed J on the patch. Lowering her head until Ellie was staring into worried brown eyes darting around her face trying to figure out if Ellie was okay. With a sigh, Dina pointed towards the other body, the runner that attacked her. It’s head split open down to it’s neck from her attack. Ellie ground her jaw, reminding herself it was a different kind of monster she killed today. “Hey, thanks for getting my back there. Would have been an embarrassing way to go.”

When she got no response she pulled Ellie into a hug, whispering in her ear, “It’s okay, El. We’re safe.”

The hug brought her back to herself a little as Ellie glanced around she noticed Jesse and Earl were eyeing her warily. She wiped the back of her hand on her chin and pulled herself out of her little reverie, directing her gaze to Earl.

“You good?” The question hard as the thin line of her mouth.

“Yeah, nice save back there, kid.” Earl thanked her as he approached the rest of the group. “I’d have been one of those monsters if it weren’t for you.”

Yeah,” Ellie muttered darkly. She shouldn’t forget, what grew inside her was a monstrosity. “Wouldn’t want to be a monster.”

“We all clear?” Jesse checked in with the group as he ran up to their side, blood splatted over his tan work jacket. “Check for bites.”

After a few tense seconds of inspecting themselves, four rounds of “clear” sounded out. Even though she was clean, part of Ellie wanted to admit she was immune just to see what would happen.

“Wait a minute, where’s Greg?” Jesse asked, a tiny hint of panic in his voice. Earl glanced around, distress clear on his face. Dina shared a worried look with her and Ellie immediately regretted thinking about her immunity.

“Greg!? Boy, where you at?” Ellie’s heart started racing, she turned every which way watching for movement. Listening for a sign of life. Suddenly Greg’s voice echoed out from the bath house.

“Sorry, Sorry. I’m clear, I just had to shit myself is all.” He jogged towards them with an apologetic face. There was no blood on his clothes, clearly nothing had gotten close enough to bleed on him let alone bite him. Ellie breathed out slowly. Relieved. Unsure of what she’d do if anyone had been bitten. “Looks like a bunch of these guys killed a fuckin’ deer in there and couldn’t figure out how to get out.”

Earl smacked him upside the head before pulling him into a hug, clapping a hand on his back. “Stupid idiot. Had me scared half to death.”

“Sorry, old man.” Greg apologized into his fathers shoulder. Ellie wanted to feel embarrassed for Greg, Joel was the same way with her. Greg wasn’t immune though.

“I dunno about you kids, but I’m ready to say fuck it and head back to the front.” Earl griped. Scraping chunks of fungal plate off his arm.

“I only had one RV marked for inspection. Didn’t sound like much. I can take care of it quick.” Ellie offered.

“Any one else have any marked?” No one raised a hand. Earl shrugged. “Guess we can take one more, eh?”

Ellie led them to the RV she had marked to find the door had been busted open from the inside. Whatever was in there was out and if they were lucky, they had already killed it. Dina and Greg ducked around the adjacent units, checking to see if anything was out there, while Earl and Jesse braced her on each side waiting.

“Well, looks like they didn’t wanna have to deal with you.” Jesse teased. Ellie narrowed her eyes at him, bumping his shoulder playfully as she walked past him, drawing her pistol. Slowly tiptoeing into the unit.

It was dusty, in the back was a huge fungal growth crawling up the wall to where a patch of black mold partially caved the ceiling in. Ellie frowned, looking for anything worth looting. Applauding herself when she unearthed an untouched bottle of whiskey behind a mold covered pullout couch. Hopping out of the RV she waved her loot in Jesse’s face.

“Looks like they left me a gift so I could deal with you for a night.” Ellie snickered as she passed him.

“Well, alright.” Jesse chuckled as the team regrouped. He put an arm around Dina and motioned to the whiskey in Ellie’s hand “I say we earned ourselves a hearty swig of whiskey for having to put up with Ellie.”

“Oh thank god, I thought we were going to have to deal with her sober.” Dina teased, reaching for the bottle with a twinkle in her eye.

“Ha ha.” Ellie pulled the bottle out of her grasp, following after Greg and Earl. “I’m gonna have to drink the whole bottle for you two to be funny.”

\--- ---

Night fell as they settled into the main office. Ellie’s luck ran out on finding a new bow and she grumbled about it after a few pulls of whiskey. Dina and Jesse found some crank-powered lanterns to light up the small room just enough. Greg managed to find a few burner stoves in one of the aisles and they heated up some stew and cornbread Earl had brought along as a reward.

After the day they had Ellie was starved enough she scraped the bottom of her tin bowl clean and licked the savory crumbs off her fingertips, before pulling her journal out to draw.

Sipping at her serving of whiskey, her face grew warm. Content to listen to the sounds of Earl, Greg, and Jesse bicker over inventory. Ellie took to sketching out the taxidermy grizzly bear that stood next to the archway of the gift shop. Replacing the gaps where its skin was falling with bundles of wires. She grew engrossed in creating a new character that could fight along side the Society of Champions.

“Make sure you get my good side.” Dina’s voice was low and teasing in her ear and she startled, clutching her journal to her chest.

“Shit!” Ellie pulled away. “Ever heard of personal space?” Dina pouted and shrugged. Leaning her forearms across Ellie’s back and resting her head next to hers peering down at her sketch.

“What are you drawing?”

“You.” Ellie deadpanned, presenting her the drawing of the bear, even going as far as to dust off some of the eraser shavings for show. “I think I got your un-bear-able personality down.”

“Shit.” Dina pushed off her back with a scoff, sidling up next to her. “Next time just tell me you wanna be alone.”

“Jeeze, tough crowd.” Ellie put her notebook away, glancing over to Dina she sculled the rest of her drink. Watching the other side of the room where the guys were sat around Earl’s map planning the route back and going over the supplies they found. “Don’t wanna hang and do inventory with the boys tonight?”

“I wanted to make sure you were okay.” Her voice took that no bullshit tone she got whenever Ellie was concerned. “You seemed a little off after the attack.”

“Mmm. I guess.” Ellie hummed, licking her lips. Briefly she debated just telling Dina. It was exhausting to keep this secret to herself. Ellie picked at her fingernails while she thought her answer over carefully. “Thinking about how close we came to ending up one of those things.” How if anything had happened she would’ve been the sole survivor. “I don’t want to talk about it right now.”

“Okay.” Dina didn’t push, instead she rested a hand on her arm. “If you ever want to talk about it I’m here.”

Ellie nodded, overcome with guilt and needing an out, she faked a yawn. She stretched her arms out and closed both eyes tight to really sell it. Cracking an eye open when she heard an equally strong yawn next to her. Her face breaking out into a wide grin as Dina mirrored her movements.

“Got ya.” Ellie said triumphantly.

“You’re such an ass.” Dina used Ellie’s shoulder to stand before pushing her over. “Goodnight, Ellie.”

“Night. Dina.” Ellie didn’t bother to sit up, instead she watched her retreating form from the floor until Dina wove her arms around Jesse’s midriff. Only then did she force herself to get ready for bed.

\--- ---

They had spread out along the floor of the building, far enough apart that everyone had the space to set up their own little area. On one side of her Earl and Greg had passed out near the entrance to the gift shop, their snoring astonishingly twice as bad as Joel’s. Ellie kept waiting for infected to be drawn to their little spot from the sound of it. She tried covering her ears and blocking her head with her pack but it did nothing for her. It felt like all the noise in the room seemed to bounce around the walls and ceiling before settling directly in her ears.

Despite all their noise, it still it wasn’t loud enough to drown out the whispered bickering on her other side. Jesse and Dina had set up behind the registration counter and she could still hear them speaking in hissing sharp tones.

Ellie thought that after taking on a small horde everyone would pass out. Apparently when it came to her friends, she thought fucking wrong. She tried to ignore them until she distinctly heard her name whispered. Decidedly, she didn’t want to stick around and accidentally overhear any more.

Groaning, she quietly slipped out of her sleeping bag. Rolling it into a pile in her arms she pocketed her knife, holstered her pistol and grabbed her pack, deciding she’d rather try to get some rest outside than spend another fucking minute pretending she could actually fall asleep with all that noise.

The weather outside wasn’t bad for early fall, the night was clear, taking a deep breath her whole body relaxed at the rich, earthy smell of the woods around her.

The view of the night sky was nicer than any she could remember in Boston. Except maybe when she breached the QZ wall for the first time. Even under the conditions of her escape, the first night sky as a free person felt different.

Setting her little camp up a few paces away from the door, she lay parallel to two rainwater barrels, barely peeking out from the cover of the entrance. Just close enough to remain hidden by the slight overhang while being just far enough to admire the slice of the night sky above the trees. Tossing her pack down as a pillow and settling into her sleeping bag, Ellie watched the night sky for a bit. Finding one of the many pinpoints amongst the stars Joel had taught her how to find, she tracked the slow orbit of an old satellite, long abandoned to the vastness of space trapped by Earth’s pull, until her eyes began to droop.

She probably wouldn’t get any sleep, but maybe she could close her eyes to stop the burning sensation that had been building.

At some point she drifted in and out of wakefulness, only really aware when she heard the door open and close followed by the crunch of two long strides against rock before a boot collided with the side of her face. “Ow, fuck!” she hissed covering her face with an arm. Her feet still trapped in her sleeping bag she managed to sit up.

A bright light came on, blinding her. She noticed Dina’s boots as she heard the unmistakable click of a safety being switched off. She had a pistol pointed directly at her face. Ellie put her hands up, squinting into the brightness of Dina’s light. “Shit. Dina it’s me.”

“Jesus, Ellie, you fucking scared me.” She turned the light off gripped at her chest with one hand and holstered her pistol. Taking stock of the situation she noticed Ellie’s legs tucked into sleeping bag and her pack. “What the fuck are you doing out here?”

“Couldn’t sleep.” Ellie tried blinking the spots in her vision away. As soon as her sight returned to normal she noticed the red in Dina’s eyes and the way her cheeks shown in the pale light of the night. Rubbing at the blossom of pain on her jaw, Ellie didn’t have the heart to tell Dina she overheard them bickering, possibly over her.

Dina dropped to her knees cupping Ellie’s face and the pain that erupted there was nothing compared to the electricity that seemed to spark along her veins where her fingers probed gently. She hissed lightly and Dina tutted, pursing her lips with her assessment. “Oh, that looks like it’s gonna bruise.”

“I’ll make sure to tell the guys I make for a terrible door stop. Way too susceptible to bruising.”

Worming her way out of Dina’s touch in an attempt to compose herself Ellie unzipped her rest of her sleeping bag, turning it into a blanket for both of them to lay down on. Patting the space next to her, she folded her hands behind her head and rested her head on them. Beside her Dina relaxed enough to join her. They sat in silence for a few moments until Dina scrubbed at her face, letting out a frustrated sigh.

“Do you… wanna talk about it?” Ellie offered hesitantly. Emotions were not her forte. “I can’t give you boy advice or whatever, but I can listen.”

“Please, like I’d ever take dating advice from you.” Her bark of laughter sounded constricted. As though she was teetering on the edge of crying again.

“Probably for the best. I’m no Romeo,” Ellie pulled Dina closer by her shoulders, gesturing widely above them with her free hand. “I’d just turns things into a German sausage.”

“What?”

“I’d make things wurst.”

“Okay, that was terrible.” Dina finally gave her a full laugh and even though it was a melancholy sound, it was still marginally better. She poked Ellie in the stomach with a finger. “Remind me not to ask for any sort of advice if this is the service I get.”

“You get what you pay for.” Ellie shrugged and faced the open night sky watching as a few meteors streaked across the night sky. “How much does a Dimetrodon cost?” Ellie glanced down to see Dina’s eyes roll back in her head as she groaned, “Ten cents.”

“I don’t even know how much that’s worth.”

“Yeah, probably be funnier if money was still a thing.” Ellie agreed.

“Please no more.” Dina shoved at her face. She smiled and ducked her head. They watched each other for a moment before Ellie broke away to find another satellite charting its course across the sky.

“Did you know meteors hit the Earth’s atmosphere at up to forty four miles per second, fast enough that the friction with the air heats them up to the point they light up?”

“Ellie you are literally probably the only person who knows that.”

“And now you know that.” Ellie listened for a moment to the woods around them. Still. Quiet. It was almost too easy to imagine they were the only ones out here. To imagine what she could admit aloud if they were. “Our secret.” she whispered conspiratorially.

Dina pushed herself onto her side, resting her head in her hand close to Ellie’s face. Turning her head, she could see the tracks where her tears fell and she’d rubbed them away. Even in her sadness, Dina’s beauty stirred something in Ellie. Dina’s face was slack, her lips parted, staring at Ellie strangely. She tilted her head and the light caught her skin in such a way that transformed her into an otherworldly being before Ellie’s eyes. She felt her mouth dry out and she swallowed heavily, her pulse jumping against her throat. Ellie turned her face up trying to put some space between her and Dina, give herself a moment to think, to calm down.

This was her best friend, she couldn’t fuck up the best thing she ever had. Nor could she fuck up what she had with Jesse. Hell, Cat was the only other girl who liked girls and she spent all her time with Ellie, so that had to mean something right? Then again she was wicked nice to everyone.

Ellie wanted to believe she could have something more, with Dina, Cat, anyone. Being alone. That was for the best. Can’t infect or hurt anyone if you’re alone.

Dina sniffed, putting a hand on the uninjured side of Ellie’s face, forcing her to make eye contact.

“Ellie,” Dina breathed against her neck. “Why are you doing this?”

“Cause you’re sad?” Ellie fidgeted with the old velcro of her cargo pocket. “Unless you’ve been faking it so you could steal my sleeping bag or even worse,” Ellie tightened her grip on the fabric of her pants. “listen to me talk about space.”

Dina leaned in with a predatory glare, making Ellie’s breath catch before she grinned evilly and wiped her face against Ellie’s, smearing tears and snot along her jaw and cheek. Ellie grunted, trying not to raise her voice too loud.

“You are disgusting.” Ellie brushed her shoulder against her own face, at least Dina got her good side.

“You let it happen.”

“You’re the one that came out here and kicked me in the head.” Ellie grumbled. “Where’s your bedside manner?”

Dina smirked, “You need a bed for that, sleeping bags hardly count.”

Pulling Ellie’s arm around her upper body Dina lay back down, molding herself to her side knowing she was the only person Ellie wouldn’t kick out of her space.

“I, I’m doing this cause I care about you, Di. I know we haven’t hung out much recently. But you’re someone I uh, value. So fuckin’ be grateful alright.” She put her chin on Dina’s head. “You’re my best friend.”

“Really, not Cat?” Ellie shifted backwards to look Dina in the eyes. There was an unfamiliar bite in her voice.

“What? No.” Ellie was confused, they spent time together but she was no where near as close to Cat as she was to Dina. “Cat is… Cat. She doesn’t mean to me what you do.”

“And what does she mean to you?”

“I dunno, she’s cool? Why does it matter? It’s not the same.” She was growing defensive and it clearly was upsetting Dina further for whatever reason. “Come look there.” Ellie softened her voice, making a fist against the sky, “Okay, on my pinky knuckle you see that really weak star?”

“Sure.” Ellie adjusted her fist to a forty five degree angle. “Okay the one at the bottom knuckle you see that star there?”

“Yeah.”

“In between them is a third star, and two across from it like makes a kite shape.” She tried to trace the outline with her pointer.

“Oookay.” Dina side eyes her curiously. “What does this have to do with us?”

“That’s Scutum, which is Latin for shield. The story is kinda lame as far a…” When Dina’s brows went up and she quirked her lips, Ellie knew that she was dumping unnecessary information instead of making her point. “Anyway, that constellation is always around. Faded, but it’s up there. And I’ll always be around for you.” Ellie shifted to face Dina, chewing on the inside of her cheek. “I know you can fight and whatever, but I’ll be your shield when you need to take cover.”

“Ellie.” Dina tilted her chin up to scan Ellie’s face for some sign that it was a joke. “Was that supposed to make me feel better?”

“Shit. I’m bad at this aren’t I?” Ellie scratched the side of her nose, as Dina rose onto her forearm next to her.

“Oh wow, you really tried to make me feel better with your nerd stuff huh.” Dina teased. Her eyes lost some of their mirth as her gaze morphed into something soft, almost tender. As if Dina was seeing her for the first time in the blue black of the dark. She paused, considering something on Ellie’s face. In the dim light Ellie couldn’t make out the brown of Dina’s eyes. Twin fields of gravity pulled her chest apart as she watched Dina slowly lean in, observing Ellie’s reaction and pressed a short kiss to her injured cheek.

“What was that for?” Ellie stammered, her brain felt like someone slammed the brakes on a car going full speed down a highway. It was just Dina being affectionate Dina. She kissed peoples cheeks and gave great hugs. Ellie wasn’t special, no matter how much she wanted to be.

“Your face is gonna be fucked up. I’m kissing it better.” Dina brought her hand to rest on Ellie’s elbow.

“My face is always fucked up, you’re fighting a losing battle.” Ellie stared up at the sky, as a meteor streaked across the sky and she was torn between wishing Joel told her the truth and wishing she wasn’t so fucking awkward around Dina.

Dina hummed in amusement and rolled onto her back “Thanks for being sweet, El.”

“Not a problem.” Ellie spoke slow, trying to figure out if the words she thought in her head were the ones coming out. Distracted by the way Dina seemed to glow in the darkness. “You gonna go back inside?”

“Are you?” Dina quirked a brow and Ellie knew she wasn’t going to be alone out here tonight.

“Guess not then.” Ellie shoved herself into a sitting position, nudging Dina off so she could turn her sleeping bag into a blanket. “C’mere.” She positioned herself against the rain barrels and rested her head back. She held the blanket open, allowing Dina to sit next to her before covering them both. Not like she planned on sleeping anyway.

At some point Dina’s head fell on her shoulder and she held stock still, not daring to move a fraction out of fear she’d wake Dina. Light crept up the sky, purples turning to hazy pinks and oranges. It might have been a beautiful sight but it wouldn’t compare to witnessing night turning to morning against Dina’s skin.

And in the morning when the sun had rose and Jesse barged outside in a panic, dragging them both inside to chew Ellie out for risking the safety of everyone else, she looked to Dina and the fond smile she found on her face… Ellie realized she couldn’t find it in herself to care what happened so long as she could keep making Dina smile.

**Author's Note:**

> My world's on fire  
> how bout yours  
> wrote a fic to distract  
> myself from the damn world  
> da na na hey now
> 
> insanity aside if you made it to this note i hope you're as well as you can be right now and you're drinking water, unclenching your jaw, and taking a few moments to be kind to yourself.
> 
> scream at me on tumblr @ [ dissonantdreamer](https://dissonantdreamer.tumblr.com)


End file.
